The phrase “red zone” was coined by popular TV personality and dog psychologist Cesar Millan. It is important to understand that red zone dogs are usually frustrated dogs. Sex education in our country is quite inconsistent—recent research found that only half of high schools covered the 16 topics that the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) have deemed essential! Rape culture is when the lyrics of Robin Thicke’s ‘Blurred Lines’ mirror the words of actual rapists and is still the number one song in the country. True consent is an affirmative and ongoing dance of two people who come together to create a sexual experience that feels good and safe to both of them. They will only give you trouble. The tricky thing is that RED ZONE behaviors are primal and biology based. The sheer size and strength of a pit bull, Mastiff, Cane Corso, Rottweiler, or any other large dog can quickly transform a frustrated and dominant animal into a serious threat. The individuals who work in Red Zone organizations are short on trust, optimism and goodwill, what I call “Green Zone” qualities. Rape culture is when, in 31 states, rapists can legally sue for child custody if the rape results in pregnancy. Below are common RED ZONE behaviors that are familiar to all of us. To young women, especially those who have sex with men: You deserve nothing less than sex that feels good, safe, and centered on your pleasure. To control a powerful breed, you need to master the position of pack leader. True consent is a dynamic process of giving and receiving feedback (verbal and nonverbal) that what’s happening is wonderful and wanted. I know how easy it is for parents of college students to feel nervous this time of year, and bringing your awareness to the red zone adds yet another worry to the pile. The tricky thing is that RED ZONE behaviors are primal and biology based. The red zone refers to the period of time between arrival on campus in August and ... Talking about sex as a positive part of life is not tantamount to encouraging reckless sexual behavior. Even when intervening feels “awkward.”. Year after year, I am blown away by how much my otherwise brilliant college students are missing when it comes to understanding their sexual selves. Take some time to identify your “go-to” RED ZONE behaviors. Feel free to share this article with them as your opening move—I’m always more than happy to be the target of that kind of blame! Falling in love with someone is an awesome part of life. As you learn to manage the Red Zone, you can create the kind of environment that is sustaining, life-affirming, productive and healthy. Yet, what if they become habitual and the norm? Yet, what if they become habitual and … You must gain control of the situation and dog behavior before it escalates. First, players don’t have as much field to work with, obviously. Until then it's best for men not to go too college at all. True consent is sexy as hell. Romantic love = losing control of your own life, When Men Attack: Why (and Which) Men Sexually Assault Women, 5 Types of Unwanted Sex and Their Consequences, What Women Need to Know About the Bystander Effect in Men, The Pros and Cons of Mixing Sex and Alcohol. If the above scenario sounds familiar, your workplace may be a “Red Zone”—an environment where turf is guarded and defensiveness abounds. If I could wave a magic wand, based on my nearly 20 years of work in this field, here’s what I’d like all parents to say to their college students before they head to campus: #1: Sex can be a wonderful part of life—pleasurable, exciting, and enhancing. To young men, especially those who have sex with women: When you focus on her pleasure, it makes it so much more fun for both of you! More Than One ZONE •Students can be in more than one Zone at once (Ex. Alcohol and drugs limit your ability to give and receive feedback with your sexual partner, and alcohol and drugs reduce your ability to experience the sensory pleasures of sex. The red zone refers to the period of time between arrival on campus in August and Thanksgiving break in November during which, according to … It *would* ask me to be a safe, empathic, supportive person... but those are *not* the same things as being easy to approach, or fitting neatly into the group. Typically, when young people are taught about consent, they are taught that if your partner says no, you need to stop. And what is love but a special form of communication? For an offense and its coaches, many things change when the football enters the red zone. Offense in the Red Zone . If you are going to talk about something, know what you are talking about first. The model of consent as “no means no” is finally evolving! Women should all wear burkas and all that junk. The red zone describes an extremely heightened state of intense emotions. Most campus sexual assault does not take the form of a stranger lurking in the bushes. At that time you can have all the women you want abroad. It brings out the skill sets of some of the greatest players and capitalizes on the weaknesses of some others. What parents say matters. A person may be elated or experiencing anger, rage, devastation, or terror when in the Red Zone. I blame others for the circumstances in my life, I respond defensively and my type patterns are in their fullest glory, I am rigid, stubborn, reactive and righteous, I am condescending and intellectually superior, I am unaware of the climate of negativity and antagonism I create, I see others as the problem, the enemy, the “dreaded other”, I see conflict as a battle to win or to be totally avoided, I communicate with high levels of disapproval and contempt, I refuse to engage and hide out in silence/avoidance, I feel victimized by other points of view, I think in a black/white, right/wrong way, Source: Jim Tamm, Radical Collaboration, ©2004, Your email address will not be published. Complicated and hard stuff to talk about! Green on the traffic light means go . Additionally, abuse is not about individual actions that incite the abuser to hurt his partner, but rather about the abuser’s feelings of entitlement to do whatever he wants to his partner. Example of Victim-Blaming Attitude: “She must have provoked him into being abusive. Red on the traffic light means stop; behavior in the red zone means don’t do it —it’s sexual harassment. The Blue Zone. Olfaction Is a Primal Motivator. (Or at Occidental College, where students and administrators who advocated for survivors were terrorized for speaking out against the school’s insufficient reporting procedures.). What kind of organization is The Red Zone? Contact us for more information about corporate retreats, workshops, executive coaching, private coaching, Breathing Spaces groups. This is the zone kids are in during meltdowns. Blue for Tired and Yellow for Anxiety over a test) •The same emotion can be categorized into different zones (Ex. A group that functions mostly in the Red Zone can have devastating long term consequences which include: AWARENESS is the first step in managing defensive, Red Zone behavior. All Rights Reserved. Rape culture is when people say, “she was asking for it.” These conversations form the foundation that allows teens and young adults to develop the self-awareness and courage they need to make good decisions on their own. A truly loving relationship would not ask that I hobble myself for the sake of being approachable and nonthreatening. They both need to change.”. Not when the dynamic makes me feel like no effort I put into my own life matters-- someone else's perception will judge it good or bad. You are a bigot. Here’s what I know for sure: We are long-overdue for new conversations around preventing sexual assault. The Red Zone is used to describe extremely heightened states of alertness and intense emotions. Privacy Policy (This article originally appeared at www.dralexandrasolomon.com). I must put in an indefinite amount of time, effort, and money into making myself into someone other people want.
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